The Soul That Redeems Me (The Forever Mine Series Book 3) Read online

  The Soul That Redeems Me

  The Forever Mine Series Book 3

  © 2019 H.J. Marshall

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  The characters in the book are creations of the author and any similarities to people living or dead is coincidental. The author acknowledges copywritten business, places, and movies that may or not be mentioned in the book should in no way be seen as an advertisement or endorsement. Trademarked names are used in an illustrative manner and with no intention of trademark or copywrite infringement of owner or authors’ works.

  Model: Joey G.

  Photographer: Eric McKinney 6:12 Photography

  Cover Designer: Champagne Book Design

  Formatter: Champagne Book Design

  Editor: A. Lavery

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Acknowledgements

  Other Books

  About the Author

  To the survivor inside all of us. Never give up, never stop fighting, never surrender. You are stronger than you feel, you are braver than you think, you are worthy beyond all measure. The scars mean you are stronger than what tried to hurt you. Wear your strength with pride.

  The large pile of paperwork on my desk seemed to grow, instead of shrinking, with each passing hour. I realized that I was making progress on the expansion plans, but some days I felt overwhelmed with all the research I had taken over since Caroline went on maternity leave.

  I’d been hired by MSJ Media 6 months prior, assisting with the national launch of the Literacy Program Maddie and Lucas had created last year. I was dealing with the fitness and social aspects of the endeavor. Nine and a half months ago, I accompanied Caroline on a road trip that reunited her with her long-time love, Andrew.

  Both couples were well on their way to a happily ever after with babies due any day. I was happy for my best friends and the growth of their families, but lately, I’d felt like I was destined to be alone. The reality that I was still single had begun to weigh heavily on my shoulders.

  Maddie, my on-again, off-again college-girlfriend-turned-best-friend and her sister, Caroline, had brought me into their lives during college and they were both closer than family. Adopted when I was 12, I treasure the bonds of people who choose to be in your life, not those who are forced to by chance or circumstance.

  At one point in time, I felt like Maddie would be my forever, but seeing her with her husband Lucas, I realize she and I were destined to walk different paths. I’m grateful she and I have remained friends and now, Lucas and Andrew are closer than brothers to me. Not one time had my relationship with Maddie been mentioned, and I would never disrespect their union with talk of the past.

  For a few years, I casually dated, never looking for the person who completed me, who made me whole. Last year, I decided to stop looking for Miss Right Now and started looking for Miss Right. My entire life changed when I walked into Andrew’s gym in New Orleans earlier this year. Not only did Caroline reconnect with Andrew, but I met Emily, Andrew’s younger sister.

  I walked into the gym with a plan to help heal Caroline’s broken heart and when I embraced Emily during our dance at the roadhouse, I knew she was the one for me. I could see on her eyes, she understood and had experienced more than most people and my soul was drawn to hers.

  My heart was telling me that Emily was my One, but I was hesitant to make a move, afraid that I was feeling more than she was. We had gotten closer since she and her brother had moved back to Georgia, but I was allowing her age and her past to dictate a friend-zone, fearful the amount of passion and protectiveness I felt for her was more than she could handle.

  My cell phone rang and I began to dig through the piles of paperwork until I found it. I looked at the display and saw Emily was calling me, immediately causing my heart to beat faster. I see her quite a bit when we have get-togethers but her classes had taken up a lot of her time and lately, she had started to seem distant.

  I cleared my throat and hit the speaker button, “Josh Kennedy.”

  “Josh?” Emily’s sweet voice filled the room.

  “Emily, is everything okay?” My overprotective nature started kicking in. There had been something about Emily from the moment I first saw her standing behind the counter at the gym in New Orleans, my feelings made me want to wrap my arms around her and protect her from the world surrounding her. Lightning flashed through my body at the first touch of her soft skin and I had been head-over-heels for her ever since.

  “I just got a call from Andrew. It’s time. I told him I would call you and let you know.” She explained, a small tremor in her voice.

  “Are you okay?” I asked again, knowing she hid a lot of herself away from those closest to her, afraid of something that I’d been trying to figure out, but so far had been unsuccessful. I knew a little bit about her past and the accident she had when she was 15, but I felt there was something else, something that was tearing her apart inside, that she had yet to speak about. I’m not sure that even Andrew is aware of what she’s been keeping secret.

  She had been ecstatic about becoming an aunt to her brother and Caroline’s new baby but sometimes, when no one was paying attention, she got this look in her eyes that said the world she had created around herself was a lie and she was forcing a fake smile for the benefit of those around her.

  Emily’s past had some major hurdles she had to overcome and I was proud of the steps she had taken to be where she was in her life. Her story was a rough one and hearing it, the one time she spoke of it, broke my heart so damn bad, I felt compelled to pull her into my arms and hold her until she could gather herself again. She felt so right, burrowed into my chest, her breath ghosting across my neck as she purged her pain. My own history isn’t exactly roses and sunshine. I want to tell her, to let her know that she isn’t alone, but I’m afraid it may push her further away when all I want to do is pull her closer.

  A small sigh escaped her mouth as she began, “I’m okay… just worried about Caroline and the baby. I’m about to call an Uber to pick me up and take me to the hospital. Are you coming up to sit with us or do you want me to call you after the baby is born?”

  “Where are you? I’ll leave my office and pick you up, that way I can make sure you get home safely when you’re ready to leave.” I hoped being reasonable would allow me to give her the time and support I felt like she was going to need over the next few days.

  “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay.” She replied in a small voice, unlike her usual perky and energetic self.

  “I’m on the way to you now, so just make both of our
lives easier and tell me where you are, sweetheart. I know you hate Uber or taxies, plus it is getting late enough I don’t want you taking the train back home from the hospital. Please, let me come to get you.” The term of endearment was meant to relax her.

  “I’m at Caroline and Andrews apartment. I’ve got to bring her bag to the hospital with me and I swung by after class to pick it up. I’ll wait for you here.”

  Why was she still referring to her home as theirs and not ours? Lately, she had begun to get confrontational with Andrew about moving out and letting the new family have the apartment. Andrew had confided in me he was afraid she felt left out and he never wanted her to feel like she wasn’t a part of their family. With their parents deceased, Andrew was the only family Emily had left. I reminded Andrew that family is who you make it and she now had a large support network to help her.

  I could see both sides of the situation. Emily wanted them to have the life they had dreamed without a roommate and Andrew was determined to protect his little sister and he felt she was the safest living with them. It was beginning to cause animosity between the siblings with Caroline stuck in the middle. I presented a solution to Andrew last month that could fix all the hurt feelings and misunderstandings that had been swirling between them for a few months.

  “I’ll be there in 20 minutes. Do you want me to help you carry the bags down or should I just call when I’m downstairs?” I asked her, hoping she would invite me up. I wanted to spend a few minutes with her before we left for who knows how long at the hospital.

  “Call when you are around the corner and I’ll come outside to meet you. No need to park when I can just jump in and we can head out.” She explained, the noise of her shuffling around the apartment sounded through the phone.

  “I’m in the car now. I’ll see you soon.” I replied as I cranked my jeep and headed into downtown. Luckily, it was a Tuesday afternoon and the traffic was light, allowing me to make good time getting to Emily.

  I called when I was a few minutes away and saw Emily walking out of the building just as I pulled up to the curb. She was so beautiful with her long brown hair and hypnotic hazel eyes, her small frame moved gracefully as she made her way to the Jeep. She carried a natural beauty that most women would pay good money for, but she was reserved and shy, often hiding under misfit clothes and false bravado.

  She got into the car and her hypnotic scent began to overtake the confined space. Jasmine and gardenia. Willing the blood back to my brain while she secured the overnight bags in the back seat, I waited for her to latch her seatbelt before heading toward the hospital. I’d called my parents, who were busy taking care of things at my house and watching my dog, Jake, to let them know where I would be for the foreseeable future. I didn’t know how long it took for babies to be born, so I had packed some snacks and a change of clothes in my Jeep last week.

  I wanted to be there for my friends, my family, and I needed to be there for Emily. Something in my gut was telling me she wasn’t very far away from a breakdown, and I felt powerless to stop it. I had asked her the few times I had seen her over the last month or so how she was doing with all the changes.

  Each time, she gave me another fake smile and gushed how excited she was. How happy she was, yet I could see in her eyes, she was hiding something. Something that was tearing her up inside. Something that I could feel from her, every time I was close. Something that was breaking her heart.

  “Did you remember to bring something to change into if we are there for too long? I have plenty of snacks in the back for both of us. I grabbed a few of your favorites.” The car was quiet, her head was turned toward the window, her eyes refusing to look at me.

  “I brought my hoodie and I have a small pillow and blanket in my backpack. I have a few things to snack on, you didn’t have to go to any trouble for me, Josh.” Her shy voice was barely audible over the radio playing softly in the background.

  “Making you happy is no trouble, Emily.” I try to reason with her, not wanting to push her right now. She seemed small and frail, like a different version of herself. I was beginning to worry that she was uncomfortable being alone with me.

  It would break a part of my soul to not be around her, but if I was causing her any discomfort, I would leave her alone. Anything to make her happy and smile a real smile again, even if it was from a distance.

  A real smile like the one I saw in New Orleans when I danced with her at the dusty roadhouse or the smile she gave me when we spent the day, hand in hand, exploring New Orleans. The smile I saw when Caroline and Andrew got engaged was the last real smile I remember seeing and I wondered if anyone else had noticed the falsehood in her face.

  Her head turned toward me and she had unshed tears in her eyes, causing them to sparkle in the afternoon sun. I pulled the car into the next parking lot and cut the engine off, turning my full attention to Emily.

  “What’s wrong, Em?” I asked casually, hoping to relax her enough to talk to me.

  “I can’t explain it without seeming…well, selfish.” She said, a tear falling down her face and landing on her lap.

  “You’re anything but selfish, please, tell me what’s bothering you. You’ve been so sad lately and I’m worried about you.”

  “Where will I go when…when I have to move?” she asked, a hiccup in her voice let me know she was about to start crying.

  Most men run from a woman who cries, afraid of getting caught in an emotional hurricane. I was the opposite. When a woman cried around me, I wanted to give them comfort, to listen to what was bothering them, and to try and help them feel better.

  It was a lingering side effect of my early childhood and the only good part about that time of my life that I can remember. Not wanting to walk that self-deprecating path, I gently reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, her angelic face cupped in my large hands.

  I wanted to reach down and kiss her, to tell her how much I wanted and needed her, but now was not the time. Now, I needed to reassure her that she wasn’t about to be cast out on the streets, alone, with a new baby entering the family. Well, babies to be more specific.

  With Maddie and Caroline’s due dates only three days apart, I suspected we would be at the hospital more than not over the next few days. I know Joe and Lisa, Caroline and Maddie’s parents would be making an appearance very soon and they had rented a hotel room, not wanting to show favoritism with one girl over the other.

  “Why do you have to move? What’s changed?” I stroked her cheek with my thumb, resisting the urge to swipe her plump lips, her face leaning into my touch.

  “With the baby coming, they are going to need their space and the baby is going to need a bedroom of her own. I don’t want to be a bother to my brother any more than I already have been, but I don’t know where to go. I can’t live on campus and still be able to afford my classes. The thought of living with a stranger is a little unsettling, though. What if they have people over that I don’t like? What if we don’t get along? I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to worry Andrew with my stupid problems.” She rambled, never taking a breath until she was through with her thoughts.

  “First of all, you don’t have to move.”

  “But,” she started, before I moved my finger to her luscious lips, silencing her with a simple touch.

  “What if you stayed in the apartment and Andrew and Caroline moved? Would you be okay with that?”

  “I don’t understand. Why would they move? Have they said something to you? Are they leaving?” Her eyes suddenly wide, her breathing became rapid.

  Slowly, I leaned my forehead down until it was touching hers, my hands still on her face, as I willed her eyes to meet mine. I was completely invading her space and wasn’t sorry about it. I needed to help silence her mind and get her focused on the immediate future and not the hypothetical future she was envisioning.

  “Let’s get through the arrival of the babies and we can talk about everything else. Do you trust me, Emily?” I asked, ho
ping I wasn’t overstepping my boundaries by speaking to her before Andrew and Caroline had a chance to sit down with her and discuss the potential future that I was praying would become a reality.

  Her glistening hazel eyes tracked up to meet mine as she nodded her head and stared into my soul. “I trust you, Josh.”

  I let out the breath I was holding as I gently kissed the tip of her nose and pulled myself away from her. Now, to get everyone on board with my idea so we can be on the early road to our forever.

  The smell was the first thing that hit my senses when Josh and I walked into the hospital. Alcohol and betadine overwhelmed me. I know the smell isn’t that strong, more of a lingering essence in the building, but it felt like I was sniffing it straight from the bottle.

  I willed my breathing to normal and prayed I wouldn’t have to take another Xanax to get my heart rate under control. I had started having panic attacks about a year and a half ago and the only person who was aware of my choice to take medication was my psychiatrist, Dr. Lee.

  The smell of the hospital was triggering memories from my “accident,” memories I couldn’t quite grab hold of. Lingering thoughts and emotions buried under my skin, itching to come to the surface, and I felt powerless to slow the overwhelming emotions that were avalanching toward me.

  I felt Josh’s hand slip into mine and I curled my fingers around his, hoping to gain some strength through his touch. Since the first moment I met Josh, I felt calm in his presence. His ability to know when I was freaking out was a little unnerving at first, but had grown into something I had begun to cling to in times of stress. He had a way of making me feel safe, just by giving me a look or a few words of understanding and encouragement.

  At one time I thought Josh had feelings for me, yet he never made one move other than the same friendship cues he gave Maddie and Caroline. After a while, I chalked what I had felt for him up to awakening hormones and a crush on the closest guy that I didn’t see as a brother.